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I was best friends with Ajay, things were good and I'd picked up some friends along the way; Hari and Nisha. Hari had become a best friend of mine also and in year 11 he asked out my BFF (rolls eyes) Nisha. Every girls worst nightmare: their best friends start going out. But it was okay because I had Ajay and I was happy for Nisha.
Enter Kris. Kris was the boy next door who I'd met a couple of times but he had no idea I existed. Faithful a friend as Hari was he organised a double date as he was friends with Kris. I don't know what made me do it, but I went. Now that may not sound crazy at all to you, but it was extremely crazy for me.
See in our culture you're not really allowed to date, the kids do anyway but I've always been a bit of a goody-two-shoes. Now I'm sure you're wondering, well you went out with Ajay didn't you? But like I said I always tried my best to act like that never happened, going as far as trying to convince myself it didn't count. My main defense being: we never even met up.
You can see the key difference here. So we went to our local cinema and just hung around. At first I was deathly shy and refused to talk to him but Nisha, after threatening to do so many times, walked off with Hari, leaving me alone with Kris, forcing me to talk to him. God I had such great friends (not sarcasm). We started talking and it was easy. Mainly due to him being such an out-going person and he was amazing.
I know I glorified him in my head and still do but I liked him so much. It was something completely different from Ajay. I always compared Ajay to a blind kiddie crush whilst this, this was the first time I'd ever felt real physical attraction. Kris was hot. No better way to put it. But it wasn't his hotness that drew me in, but his personality; he was cool and made me laugh and he was just so ridiculous. He belonged to the stereotype that I had made fun of so much in the past. He thought he was a badman and he really was a 'bad boy'. Wait, it gets worse. "But then when you got to know him you realised he was a really nice guy." I know, I know, feel free to throw things at me for being SO impossibly typical. I deserve it.
Now let's rewind a couple of months because I forgot a bit..ahem :)
My exams had just finished and he had been waiting for them to end so that he could ask. He being Ajay. I was 16 and we had been in the best friend state for years. The real best-friends-who-don't-flirt-anymore state. We had moved past all those things in the past and most of the time, acted like they'd never happened. You may already see it coming, but he asked me out again.
My exams had just finished and he had been waiting for them to end so that he could ask. He being Ajay. I was 16 and we had been in the best friend state for years. The real best-friends-who-don't-flirt-anymore state. We had moved past all those things in the past and most of the time, acted like they'd never happened. You may already see it coming, but he asked me out again.
I was..surprised. Utterly gobsmacked. Really didn't expect it at all. All of a sudden all these little things made sense; how he'd asked me if I loved him and I'd told him of course, AS A FRIEND. I was naïve and..I'd just been blindsided. I'd been on a completely different page and I told him this. I'd been completely infatuated with Kris for god's sake! I wasn't going to notice anything else if it had danced around in front of me naked, I was completely distracted. I'd even talked about a bunch of other guys to him.
Basically, yeh, I was shocked. I said no in the most awkward way possible and we carried on as normal. We were good at that. Now looking back I hate myself for being so insensitive. Not about how I rejected him, of course I wish I could have done that better as well but about what happened next. The double date happened months after Ajay asked me out, and I went on to describe every detail of the date to him. It was cruel, I shouldn't have done it but I really wasn't being malicious. I was just dumb and obsessed.
Nothing happened between me and Kris either. We met that one time, seen each other a couple of times since, just in passing, never talked. After the day we met up, we talked on msn and such but again, nothing happened. He had just broken up with his serious, long-term girlfriend, Niki, and nothing was ever going to happen. I knew that.
He eventually did break-up with her for good but then he started going out with going out with this other girl. Preeya. She was pretty, another genius and I don't know her but obviously had an incredible personality. Queue another long serious relationship.
Me and him were never meant to be, I've always known that. It just never stopped me from wishful thinking. Dreaming. I wish I could get the hot guy for once. In case you're wondering, I'm not unbearable to look at myself. That's not the problem. Problem is I'm quiet. I know it's not apparent from the insistent rambling I've been doing here but it's my form of venting. And I'm sure you're thinking, stop complaining and just put yourself out there more but I don't want to. I don't want to change myself, and although I complain about it, it's not the right time for a relationship now. As I've been constantly saying, I need to sort my life out first.
Kris found out I liked him, I was mortified, things blew over and the world didn't end from my embarrassment as I thought it would. We're all at Uni, I talk to Ajay now and then, but it's not like what it used to be. I don't talk to Hari at all, he's changed and I miss him. Him and Nisha broke up. Nisha's still my bestest friend in the whole world but we only talk now and then as well but that's ok. I got asked out by a couple of losers including Matt who blamed that on why he blabbed to Kris about me liking him and telling him I was obsessed with him, even though he had a girlfriend (Niki). I rarely talk to Kris, he yells at me once in a while for not keeping in contact. At first it was because I was trying to get over him but later, people just get busy and stop having things in common. I miss him but really not that much, which is great. No joke.
I miss these guys and it can't go back to how it used to be.
Such a somber note to end this but that's really the end! Ciao!
Such a somber note to end this but that's really the end! Ciao!
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Things got so sad and boring by the end..sorry! ;)
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