My little love life Part 2

Okay, so a couple of days ago I posted all these posts, all in one go and since then I've been starring at the page views wondering if anyone is reading.

Not sure if anyone is, but even if they're not, that's okay, I want to carry on even if it's just for me.

Also, due to exams that are quickly approaching, posts may not be frequent (but at the rate I'm going seems like there'll be more posts than revision :/ ) but things will pick up in the summer! Now let's continue:

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I left off talking about how happy I was and basically I was a dumb little teenager in denial and really I'd only had one conversation with him (Ajay). 

I'm going to be really unromantic and sum the whole Ajay thing up really quickly. Maybe because everytime I think about him I cringe and ever since it happened I've been thinking 'I want to forget it ever happened, I want to forget it ever happened, I want to forget it ever happened.' Not because it was an awful experience and I regret anything..

See now I would be lying if I say that I wouldn't change it if I could, because I'm stubborn, I don't give a shit about any of that 'you learn from your experiences', 'you wouldn't be who you are today if you didn't have those experiences.' Okay I understand that, and maybe I do agree with that, but again, I'm stubborn and highly embarrassed by the whole thing.

After that first conversation with Ajay we talked everyday, became best friends eventually admitting to liking each other. I even signed up to an extra music class for him, but we never talked. We were both too shy and embarrassed. Eventually we did talk but we avoided mentioning anything that was happening online and we didn't speak very much. We never met up out of school, although he kept telling me he wanted to, and nothing really happened.

When I say nothing happened I mean we never went on a date, we never kissed, nothing. We were 13 and 14. This lasted for a month and by the end of that month we were arguing continuously and he was a boy-genius, even though he never admitted it, and was very stressed about some little exam he had coming up. In hindsight we both agreed it was small and seemed so big at the time, but it always does.

So we broke up. Over the phone and it was over something really stupid but we, especially me, couldn't do it anymore. It was and still is one of the saddest days of my life. It ranks either 1st or 2nd. I was so sad because I had liked him THAT much and that made the fall that much harder. I cried myself to sleep so much for so many nights and the worst thing about it was, I'd lost my best friend too.

I remember talking to him on msn the next day, seeking him out to make it better because I had no one else to turn to. He was the only friend I wanted to talk to and I couldn't talk to him. That didn't stop me from trying but it didn't help either.

Eventually we reinstated our 'best friend' status and things were okay for a while. Then things slipped back into the weird a few months later. But we grew out of the weird phase, stopped saying things friends couldn't say to each other, and we became real best friends.

It was like that for a long while, for years..TO BE CONTINUED.