There is a fine line between art and porn.

It always comes back to you

Ajay..

Why must she do this

Why does my sister have to talk to him while she's on the phone to me. She lives with him, never stops talking to him, but even when she's on the phone to me, she's still talking to him..

There's a fine line between love and hate

Aaand because her legs are so amazing:

There's a fine line between love and hate, and it turns out that line is a scarf.

Lost Boys

Strong Arms

To experience the feeling of having strong arms wrapped around me..

Because I love them..

Because I'm having a Stefan and Elena moment..

WS

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet"

              William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

Airport

My mum kissed Dad on the cheek and he said that was the first time in years. Saddest thing I've ever heard. He obviously wanted more..I wish they were more affectionate towards each other. It's horrible to watch as a child.

My new-found faith in divorce

My parents are fighting. It's really bad. The worst thing about it is that it's not even one of those shouty-fights. It's those quiet, I give up, I'm tired of this. I truly hate you fights.

It's the night before Dad leaves for the wedding abroad and what did my mum tell him? Don't bother calling, don't bother talking to me. In all seriousness.

One of the worst things she's ever said. You're meant to send people off saying fly safe, take care..

The hatred between my parents is incredible. And these fights, they're always over such petty STUPID things. It's unbelievably frustrating.

My sister just posted pictures of her holiday on Facebook and the stark contrast between these lives is unbearable. Every time things get bad at home, my sister always tells me to stay at her house, just to go over there. And I forget, so easily.

Then I come back and there's the hate again. I'm sitting here now, knowing my sister doesn't have a clue. My parents, especially my mum, says don't tell her anything, she's pregnant, you can't tell a pregnant woman your troubles. So I don't. But I have no one else to talk to, my sister hates hearing it, but she'll listen..sorta. My friends, I really can't talk to them.

I hate that my sister so easily forgets, and wants to forget, she doesn't want to know their troubles. I don't begrudge her for that, it's just I can't do that myself. No matter where I am, I cannot forget, my parents are out there unhappy. It makes me unhappy. And it's never gonna change. I thought a little while ago, they've given me faith in divorce. I've never thought a more sad thought in my life.

Truthful (Song Lyrics)

Loving you is easy cos you’re so beautiful

This is not me being vain or superficial

It’s just something that I find kinda hard to ignore

When you look like a frikkin’ heaven sent angel

This is not me being corny

Just very truthful

(Inspired by Mr Wonderwall and Miss Shy)

When all else fails. Blog.

I'm experiencing my darkest moment. That doesn't mean I'm suicidal but I might as well be. I'm just too cowardly to get rid of the waste of space that I am.

It's safe to say I'm a little depressed.

Okay very down.

I had interviews for my research project today. Just now...

----------------------------------------

Momentarily decided to work. Obvi...

**********************

I'll say it. I'm not good at holding onto a train of thought.

I was imagining if I died, and they found this. They being my friends..my family. The lot of them. How petty my problems would seem. There's more to me than sex and bitching. You guys know that. I just don't like writing about the real bits. But here it is.

I feel completely lost. I have for a while and it's not going away. I wonder how long it'll last.

I hate myself for the way I am. I never work..I never work. 

So get off your arse as go do something productive?

I'll admit it I don't have an argument against that.

All that's at the forefront of my brain is. I'm failing. And do I want to do this? In all honesty, no.

This as in, this degree, the next degree.

What I want to do is disappear. Leave completely. Problems with that is of course my family and friends, I wouldn't ever want to upset them. But I'm not happy being here either. It's not just about the degrees. It's this whole life I'm living, I want to rip myself out of it.

I keep wishing for do-overs but it's gotten to the point where do-overs aren't enough anymore I need..I don't know what I need, I just know, this is exactly what I don't want. Everything about this life I'm living is screaming WRONG at me.

I want to mention that I'm lying, my life isn't completely bad, and I know that I'm lucky..but I can't bring myself to mean it. I'm stuck in a pool of misery and I can't get out. I know how pathetic and depressing this is..

I'm just..so.sad.

The Subjectiveness of Looks (and my gay moment)

My family, my sister, parents..they all always tell me how..pretty I am. That's family for you, they'll always tell you you're the prettiest girl in the world.

Then you enter the real world. In my case: uni. At uni you'll learn the truth of how you really look. It all comes down to the amount of attention you get from the opposite sex, or even the same sex. I'm not talking about homosexual interest you may gain but you know girls: oh you're soo pretty. I love you hair! God you're eyes are amazing. Let me tell you one thing: the most compliments you get won't be from boys but from girls. Weird as that is, it's true.

And you can tell when they're being honest because it'll bug them to say it. It annoys them that you're pretty. They feel threatened. But it won't be obvious, girls are like that. These girls that compliment you and hate you for having something they don't, they're your closest friends.

I've always been comfortable with my looks, how I am. But I think I may have been a bit deluded as to how good I look. My family is to blame for that. Family is blind to how you look. Either that or you just spend so much time with them you start believing them, and let's face it. You want to believe them.

But then I went to uni. Boys never notice me. Friends rarely compliment me. It's very clear no one envies me. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be envied..who am I kidding?! All girls want to be envied. We all want to be the best and anyone who says otherwise is just kidding themselves.

Now I know I'm average but at home I have to take the compliments and if I disagree my sister will just say I'm fishing and that I KNOW I'm pretty and to shut up in that oh so fond way.

It's annoying how subjective looks are. Things would be so much simpler if things were just clear-cut-clear. But alas, this is the hell we live in.

This is just because I wandered across her pictures and she is just too beautiful that I might just be gay.

This is just because she is too cute.
Yup. Gay??

I know this post has been an especially bitchy one I guess I was just in one of those moods, put it down to PMS? TMI I know..look at me being all teenage-abbreviation-esque!

Have you ever been in a good situation yet decided to persevere and strive for exceptional?

Read the thing with the rabbit on the side. The whole shite on the ceiling thing is hilarious.

The depressing thing about this question is, no. I haven't. I would have liked to think of myself as a gambler. A risk-taker. But no. This question has made me realise, I've never taken a good situation, thrown it away to pursue exception. How depressing is that.

And now is the moment where I should make a vow to strive for perfection..key word in that. Should. As in I should but I won't. Yup that's right.

"I shouldn't even be here, thanks to that death trap. But its fate, fate...gave me a second chance and help me realise that our days on this planet are too few to squander. So I decided from that moment on, to continue living life to its fullest."

"So you made a life chancing decision to not chance your life at all."

"True story."

Pretty good advice

Thought this was pretty decent advice, by myself ;)

Just cos they're my two most favourite things in the world

Sunshine daisies, butter mellow

Guys are better listeners than girls because they're less willing to share their own stories.

Because it was a great moment and I've discovered gifs

Curveballs

The frustrating things about trolls is that as soon as someone is debatably mean to you, you presume they're a horrible horrible troll who's just out to ruin your day. When I say debatably mean, I mean a comment that can be construed as either rude or well it's hard to categorise as rude or not. Then you reply a bit peeved off and they reply back prooving they weren't being rude at all and you're just humiliated. Me, being the person that I am, ALWAYS trying to right my wrongs, obviously apologised but still, I blame the trolls.

Soulmates

I don't believe in soulmates.

Even as I wrote that, all I could think about was my future husband/boyfriend/whatever, out there and I feel sorry for them. It must be depressing for them that their future partner doesn't believe they're the only one for them.

Let me explain myself: I believe there are a certain number..plenty of people you're compatible with, around you. And that's around you, near you, not in the world. What's the difference? I believe there's plenty of people near you that you could "fall in love with", be soulmate-y-ish with. So that works out as a LOT of people you're compatible with in the world as a whole.

It's a very depressing way of looking at it, I know. But it's really what I believe. I even have reasoning for it. If soulmates existed and there really was only one person in your lifetime in the whole world that you belonged with, barely anyone in the world would meet that person and be with that person. But that's not how it is, most of the population is happily with someone.

I guess in the end, if you believe in soulmates you have to believe in fate, or God or some sort of higher power. And maybe that's why I don't believe in soulmates either.

I just wonder if, when I meet "the one??", if I'll change my mind.

Frustrating

A frustrating fact. Let's say you're about to have sex. If he doesn't push for it, he's too soft and you want a guy who takes charge. If he does pressurise you then he's a jackass and you feel really uncomfortable. It's a lose-lose situation really.

Flaws

There are lovable flaws and unlovable flaws.
The unlovable flaws just really don't matter.

I can't wait to have sex

It's embarrassing to admit, and I considered posting it on EP but I didn't want people to connect that with me.

It's just that people make such a big deal out of it I am SO curious.

Cos it's jokes.

my friends are making me feel guilty for not going out

I have quickly become so addicted to blogging it's ridiculous. No one even reads this.

So it's 4 weeks until exams and my friends want to go out for Tanya's birthday. From the beginning I've been saying I can't go. I have to work.

They won't stop saying how I HAVE to go, it's unfair if I don't go, Tanya comes to everything.

Thing is, out of everyone I am literally doing the worst. I know that when they're all doing what they want to be doing in their lives and I'm stuck in a dead end AGAIN, I'm not going to remember the time I went out for Tanya's birthday and say it was worth it.

I cannot go, my guilty conscience will not allow me to go.

I am really quite frustrated with my friends for not understanding.

Is it chance or choice that determines our destiny?

A question asked on Awkward the TV show.

I personally don't believe in fate..God..anything much really. I never really did but then one night, a few years ago, I had an epiphany and just stopped believing in anything. It's not as depressing as it sounds. Just plain scary for me. The whole idea of there being no afterlife. That this is all there is and then just like that. Nothing. It's all over.

I hate thinking about it.

So is it chance or choice that determines our destiny? We can choose what happens to us to a certain extent but then after that I guess it is chance. That doesn't mean that there's a plan, a path you are definitely going to follow. But whatever's going to happen to you is going to happen to you. That's just your future. That's one thing you're definitely going to have. That may seem contradictory: what I think I mean is, you can choose your fate, it's down to you.

But in the end, me, the girl who doesn't believe in fate or God, I reckon it's a bit of both.

The Vampire Diaries Season Finale

Stephan. Doppelganger. Omfg.

Wish I had someone to blabber to about it but cba to hunt them down. Great episode. TVD really knows how to kickass at season finales.

Cuteee:

After-thought: the How I Met Your Mother season finale was epic too, I mean they actually showed the mother!

the reason for the millions posts

..I discovered stumbleupon.com
It's awesome. Exactly what you're looking for when you have no life and you're bored.

So much for not posting around exam time.

The Hearst Castle (in California) Would be INCREDIBLE to visit

The Hearst Castle

The Indoor Pool

The Library

The Outdoor Pool

The Dining Area

The Isabella Jewel Box