Boys boys boys

Reading old posts, came across this one: http://youknowwhotwo.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/soulmates.html

It's the one about how I don't believe in soulmates and this one bit got me thinking. I said I think there are plenty of people near you that you are compatible with. I explained that just within your vicinity there are plenty of people you're compatible, let alone the entire world. Then I went on to talk about how this meant I didn't believe in the idea of soulmates etc.

I was reading this and it struck me. That's not true. I am not compatible with "plenty of people around me." Not at all. Far from it, I'm compatible with barely any. Isn't that why finding, falling in love is so darn hard!

I'm talking about this and two people immediately spring to mind. Wait. There you go, and now there's a third.

1) Raymond
2) Mitch
3) Ajay

Firstly let me quickly bring you up to speed on my life.







Kris. I just Whatsapped him. Out of the blue cos I was reminiscing about him (standard.) with Cutie-Pie. AKA K-Dawg. Okay that's going to be way too hard to spell, Kit.

God I can't stand it when ARGH. Basically it goes like this. There's two of them. Ajay and Kris. They're both guilty of doing this. Ajay's worse off that Kris. What I'm rambling on about is, I can't stand that I used to be so close to them, used to talk so much to them and now, nothing. It's maddening. School friendships, uni friendships, just generally with girls, it's understandable.

Having said that I'm now thinking about it. Why is it that I'm able to forgive these girls for losing contact but not these guys? Is it because they're boys? Is it because I used to have feelings for them? No. It's because I used to talk so much with them. I never talked to these girls that way and it's heartbreaking. And yes maybe it's worse because they're guys and for some inexplicable, unreasonable, stupid reason, I can't forgive them because of that.

That's just how it is.

I just keep asking myself, do they really not care about me? When I'm sitting here thinking about them, constantly wondering, how can you not care when I care so much? I just wonder, will I ever know? I pray that Ajay, at least Ajay, he at least owes me an explaination. I don't mind if it's years down the line, after I stop caring..just some reassurance that they care. Maybe I won't get it, but I hope I do. From one of them, Ajay, Kris, Hari, hell even Matt! Anyone.

Why did they have to do this. Why did this have to happen.
And I know the answer to that, it's not really their fault-but I can't help but blame them! I've tried, I've honestly tried to contact them, maintain some form of decent relationship with them, but they all reject me. I hate it.



Well this is depressing! Lol.

Shall I go back to catching you up on my life? Okay!

I cannot be asked to go through everything. I remember as soon as every little thing happened I would be desperate to recount it, to write it down to tell someone, Kit, about it. And now. Meh. So Priya has been teasing me about two very good looking guys. I now have a semi-(major/not major..it's complicated)crush  on the less good looking guy. He is AMAZING. That's all I need to say.

Okay that was not very relevant to my post at all. The deal with those two guys, especially..Umar is that..I just got really frustrated because guys like that would never notice me in a million years. And it was so frustrating for me that my friends and even the boys themselves were teasing me..it grew feelings in my heart (yes yes corny) and made me feel so..ugly. Unworthy.

I guess I needed a reality check anyway,

But good things happened too. I found out Juan liked me..hm. So Juan is the guy who, I don't know. He's..I don't even know how to describe him. He's ok. I like him. As in not like-like but yeh like. :)
I doubt he that seriously likes me, I don't know. I wonder if he has a much a crush on me as I do some random guy..I have a crush on. Maybe.

I really shouldn't revel in some guy liking me, especially because I know what it's like. I SO know what it's like, only too well. When you like someone soo much and they sort of just like having you round. Like have you as a friend. Eurgh. Of course I'm talking about Kris.

But I couldn't help but feel like, "Oh. Someone does like me. I'm likeable afterall!" Especially after how shit I was feeling after the two hotties. And..I can't really do anything about Juan. New thought that just occured to me: I could be nice to him. Just make him happy, and I could see if it comes back to me in the form of Umar. Always a ulterior motive. No. I cannot lead him on. I can't. Plus can't stand my friends teasing. Plus..Umar et. co. don't actually know I'm "semi" crushing on them..ANYWAY!

Then I found out Ray liked me. Wow. It's so strange...

Let me tell you the story of Ray. First year we meet....


I need to stop, cannot spend my entire life blogging
Saying that I'll probably be back in two minutes after having read what I've said.