Crush

SO life.

I got an iPhone last week and been enjoying the hell out of it. Been awesome :) totally distracted by it, but hey, would have been distracted even without it so.

Storytime:

"But I don't understand what a crush even is!"

He sighed and leant back against the tree, stared at their lake so she could only see the side of his face with the light stinging her eyes. She refused to look away.

"A crush is..when two friends, who really care about each other, start talking to each other more and more. They could have been merely passing each other by for years but all of a suddenly they can't go a day without talking to each other. They're best friends but everything changes and they develop deep feelings for each other..but they may be scared to admit it."

He was frowning now. She contemplated this staring at the grass.

He continued, "A crush is when you really fancy someone." He was determinedly staring away from her, sitting very still, waiting for her response. She couldn't help the smile that grew on her face, she never could when it was him. She gripped her knees to her chest even tighter, buried her face into her knees and exclaimed: "I guess I have a crush on you then!"

There was a beat of silence. She realised what she'd said and ran. She always did this and to be honest she had already sub-conciously decided to run in the split second she decided she was going to say it.

the loss of inspiration..my titles are so much more interesting than my posts

Sitting in computer rooms, at least I’m on my favourite row, I never get my favourite computer these days. There were two times last week when the urge to blog was especially compelling but I resisted and inspiration is gone. I was gonna write sulkly whiny posts anyway so doesn’t matter.

THE BOYFRIEND LETTER

Hi.

I've written a million letters to you over the years..I've gone through two major phases; one was after I broke up with A. I hope to God I've mentioned him to you before now otherwise that'll be a HELL of a shocker. AWKS. I also hope I've grown out of the habit of saying that <<

Whilst I'm making a list of things I'm hoping for! I hope I'm super hot by the time I've met you, I hopeeeee...

Alright fine this isn't about me! Focus!

As I was saying, I've written a million letters to you and as I was reading my latest bunch I was thinking "haha these are funny maybe I'll show them to him afterall". But I was also thinking "woah this is shitload of letters, he's gonna get boredddddd." So I figured let's try condensing my thoughts and write one big mother of a letter :)

I guess the main thing I blabbered on about in all those letters is that you've kept me waiting. This is a very important point becauseeeee to me it felt like you were keeping me waiting an ETERNITY. It's been pretty unbearable. And yes, I'm trying to make you feel bad cos that's how hard it's been.

Okay I'm being mean. If you're reading this letter then that means you finally turned up and I guess I've gotta thank you for that at least! (Sure took your time though...gr.)





When I started writing this it seemed like a good idea but now that I'm here I don't quite know what I want to say, or do. I guess I wanted to give you an insight into what I was like before I met you? I guess I just wanted to talk to you..I probably just wanted to convince myself that you exist, somewhere out there in the world..cos right now..I'm loney. And missing you. So this is my coping mechanism..me reminding myself to tell you off for keeping me waiting..and to warn you that you better be worth the wait!!!!!!!

..the point is..I love you. I haven't even met you yet but I know you're out there. I refuse to lose hope. Just..get here a bit faster could you? I'm missing you SO much.

K.

WAITING

Listening to "Hey Soul Sister I don't wanta listen to...blah blah blah" googling images bout love life beauty etc. basically looking for a new Whatsapp picture, massive waste of time I know but yeh!

Thinking bout love and something occurred to me; people always critisise people waiting around for love, they're always like "get out there stead of just waiting around" and sure to a certain extent yes, you must put yourself out there etc.

Those who believe in fate and such (I'm obviously not one) would disagree I guess and think there's nothing wrong with just waiting round. I also would like to just wait around.

Right at the moment, I've got a bunch of things to do..biomed. But soon as that's done..well can't say I'm gonna make a massive change and go on a quest for love but..well




I'll find you.

feeling betrayed..

I don't know why I'm so upset. Well I do. But.

Hm.

Mitch said something..he said we..our year are useless. He aimed it at Priya, then at me.

........

The difference between asian guys and white guys when it comes to sex.

So I was watching The Big Wedding

Funny film but meh ending, didn't quite know what it was trying to do. ANYWAY the doctor dude in it was a virgin, guy on the left. Cute.

And omg realised what an effect being a doctor can have. Always tried to deny it but basically today saw eurgh whats-his-face..begins with an S..danced with P..SANIL. Or something..hmm. Anyway, basically saw him wearing a stethoscope in computer rooms and omg. Cuteeeeeee.

Back to whatever the hell I was saying..

You know what while I'm on this topic. Doctors. So there's two guy. Mitchel (Mitch) and Micky (Mike). I don't know, lame names yeh yeh, I'm trying to be simple. So Mitch is a medic, nice-ish guy. I mean he is nice but..I don't know, I don't like him. Thought he was a potential for a sec, went for a walk with him and discovered well, can't stand him much. Talks too..not too much cos I thought I wanted that in a guy me being quiet and all, but he can be surprisingly boring, bless him. But he's a medic!! Oh and not great looking. Again he's a sweet guy, want to emphasise that. Mike on the other hand is..stereotypically good looking. Not even that. He's a pretty boy, fake. His hair his, just he is. But he is..good looking. I guess. I say begrudgedly.




Okay. Just ponder that for a sec. The whole doctor dilemma.

You know what, lemme just go through what happened. So me and Priya (pretty sure I've used this name before for some other girl.) erm yeh I dragged Priya to the "watering hole" ;) god my codes are so awful.


Aaaaaaand lost train of thought :)

My Theory on Shutter Island - MAJOR SPOILER ALERT

"Which would be worse - to live as a monster? Or to die as a good man?"

Teddy, well, Andrew Laeddis, was in fact Laeddis, there was no conspiracy. That was obvious to me. What was still up for question was did he know it, was he just pretending at the end. This quote makes me think, yes. He did know. He chose to become a "ghost" rather than live, knowing what he had done.

So fucking terrifying.